Because of the sexually abuse, I became a victim myself. I had troubled relationships with boyfriends because I thought that it was exceptable to be abuse before having sex because that was all I knew.  I have to fight all my life and then just give in because I would never win. I still have problems today in my relationship because I don’t know how to say no when I don’t what to have sex. I just lay there like I am dead. I don’t think that I will ever be able to overcome this. I am not happy now and it is not my partners fought. I just can’t undo this problem, it is perment. The only thing that I have and value very much are my children. I am 43 and sex is the last thing on my miind. I just want to be happy and raise my children. I feel that no man will ever bring me happiness no matter what he does. Sex to me is a quick orgasm and I don’t want to bothered anymore. This is what being raped has done to me.

I meet my children’s father in 1992. I had been in a 10 year relationship with my ex-husband and he cheated and mentally abused me too.  I knew that I did not want any children with him and it was because of the relationship he had with his sisters that just did not seem right to me. I could be wron, but I sense incest with him and his sister. I later divorced him because the day before my wedding my mother decided to tell me he had been cheating on me for many years. When she told me that I told her the wedding could be a celabration of all families coming together. I no longer wanted to marry him. She told me I had to go through with it because she invited all of the family and friends. So I did what she said and divorced him eight months later and packed my things and left.

No family to go home to because me and my so called mother never had a relationship. And I was not about to go back to her house.  So I was stuck. I wanted out but I had no where to go.  

I became a foster mom in 1994 to occupy my time with something that I always wanted to do.  I wanted to give back my love to children who would not be loved.  I received a call from Sherry. She was the social worker from the agency that I became cerifted through for becoming a foster parent.  She informed me that she had twin boys that were premies and they needed lots of love to get them going to make it in this world. So I said yes I would take them.