This should be an interesting chapter, to dig deep into my thoughts, feelings and describe my life, and the guys I dated, cared for, and loved.

My very first boyfriend was when I was in 7th grade. He lived 2 houses down. His name was Tim. I mostly hung out at his house and play basketball. I remember one day, we were out playing basketball with his brother Paul and he had the ball. I reached around him to try and get the ball, and he turned real fast and my thumb nail sliced his stomach. There was a very long line of red, then blood. I didn’t mean to do it, but accidents will happen. He didn’t require any stitches, but it hurt.

There was the crush for the guy who lived next door. His name was Junior, but everyone called him Sonny. He was quite older than I. He was a marine. I remember the day of our first kiss. I was helping his sister move into the house in the back of his, and I was putting stuff away in the kitchen and I didn’t know he was behind me. I turned around to go back out and there he was.  He swung me around, nestled me up against the wall and kissed me. He was my first love. He was the on again, off again boyfriend. He even proposed to me once. It didn’t get very far. The one summer I went down to stay with my brother in West Virginia changed all that. When I got back, Sonny had moved on and was seeing someone else. I was crushed. To make matters worst, starting school in the fall, I found out that he was hired on as one of the school bus drivers. Knowing after school I had to walk pass his bus, I would just smile and say hi. I managed to go on with my life without him.

The summer after 11th grade, I used to hang out down by the ice cream stand. My best friend Jamie worked there. I fell for her co-worker, Clint. He was cute, blonde hair, blue eyes and he drove a 69 Chevelle. We got to know each other and  we went out. We dated for the summer. He broke it off with me using the excuse that "I was just too good for him." After spending the entire summer with him, how was I going to go back to school and know I would be passing him in the hallway? My luck, we didn’t see much of each other-which helped me forget about him.

12th grade was a bad year for me. My lfie was going in every direction imagenable. In our little group, there was Randy. Now, Randy liked Jamie, but Jamie already had a boyfriend. I guess, Jamie fixed me up with Randy. (I don’t remember much of that, I don’t even remember our first kiss or first date) I guess you can say my mind was pre occupied with just trying to survive. Home life was a nightmare, and school just didn’t appeal to me. Randy was really cute, smart and I really liked him alot. We did alot of things together. I would go to his house, he would come to my house. We would stop at burger king to get a whopper. Little stuff like that made it special. Prom was approaching and according to stories, Randys friend Roger was joking about swapping dates for the prom. I took it seriously. I knew Rogers brother Rick. Rick was a friend of my older brother Ed. I figured how neat to go to prom with Ricks younger brother Roger. What was I thinking? I had a boyfriend for crying out loud. My stupid excuse for not going with my boyfriend Randy "he didn’t ask me!" What a lame, stupid, shallow excuse. Needless to say, Randy broke up with me. Looking back at it, I don’t blame him, I would of broke up with me too. So Prom was spent with Roger. I couldn’t tell you what we did, where we went-it is a blank in my memory. We hung out together for awhile after Prom. Roger was an ok guy, but we really didn’t connect, so it didn’t last very long.  I moved on.

My life after prom was a down hill spiral of rebellion. I lost Randy, he wouldn’t forgive me, he wouldn’t take me back. Home was just a place I would sleep, and then go back to school. So I was out for anyone or anything. It seemed like so much went on in such a short period of time. I remember a Bobby from school, he was a one day stand (instead of a one night stand) I brought him home after school one day and we made out. And that was that. There was Dennis, he was in my physics class. We hooked up and dated awhile, until I found out he was gay. Thanks man! We had some good times. Some memories of Dennis-I remember being at his house mostly. We would go down to Lake Erie and make out in the water. Then there was a time, he fixed up some vodka in a thermos and we started drinking and headed down town on the rapid. I have no idea what was going on down town, but I was flying. Once Dennis had fizzled, I had a crush on Joe. He was a cute guy. I remember seeing him at my prom. We never hooked up but it was nice talking with him. Somewhere in the mix, there was a Richard. I don’t know in what time frame. But we did some making out, but it didn’t last either because one day he got crazy on me. He grabbed a hold of me, and tried to take off my shirt to show his buddies my breasts. I broke away from him and ran like there was no tomorrow. And sadly, I had another one night stand with a cousin of a friend, his name was Jim. And somewhere else in the timeline of rebellion-I remember walking home from somewhere and there were a group of guys sitting on their porch, and one hollered at me. I knew who he was at the time(but I can’t remember him now)  we all sat on the porch drinking and all I can remember is being hooked up with him in his bed at his house. He will remain the unknown face of my evil past. Lets not forget Steve. He lived further out of town, in a ritzy neighborhood. I met him through my friend Jamie. It was more like a blind date. She was going to her boyfriends house and she told me that her boyfriend had a friend and she asked if I would be interested in meeing him. I went along with her. Steve was cute, he had a great smile. We hit off when we first met. He gave me such a hicky, it covered half of my neck. I went through alot of cover girl to hide it. We dated quite awhile, but he started getting a little too weird for me. He tried to get me to sleep with his brother. I did alot of drinking and he introduced me to some pot. I wasn’t happy with him, and when I would tell him no, he would get mad. He broke up with me on New Years Day. I don’t remember why, but it was fine with me. I was happy to be rid of him.

There was another infatuation, his name was Bill. He worked at a grocery store and he drove the same kind of car I did,  his was green and mine was orange. A 1974 Ford Torino. He was dark, tall and very handsome. He played bass guitar in a band. He was also Italian. A very good kisser.  I used to stop by the grocery store and if he was out getting carts or something, we would chat for a few secs, I’d give him a kiss and he would go back to work. There were a few times he would invite me over to his house and listen to him practice. As nice as he was, he didn’t work out. We had no connection. The only thing that was common between us, was the choice of the car we drove.

The boyfriend that would change my life forever. Roger. Not the Roger from prom, but another Roger. I was single, no real interest in anyone, until he pulled up one day. Most days, I would sit out front of my house to collect my thoughts, think about what I wanted to do in life. Just out of the blue, Roger stops out front and calls me over. We talk for a few minutes and he says he’s been noticeing me for awhile and he asked if I’d be interested in going to the movies with him. It sounded good to me, so I said yes. Until our date night, I would sit out front every day and wave to him when he drove by after work. He would honk his horn instead of waving. Our date night came, we went to the drive in movie. I couldn’t even tell you what movie we saw, because we were busy doing other stuff. Later down the line, I learned that this was the night I conceived my son. Roger and I dated most of the summer. We even went camping with my youngest brother and his wife. We had a really good time. We got along pretty well. Some days, I would stop by his house on my lunch hour just to chat. The days went on and I remember my sister in law Vicki stating how fat I was starting to look, and she even mentioned to my brother that she thought I may be pregnant. I wouldn’t believe it. But I went to the doctors, and sure enough I was. I was like 6 months and I was still wearing my size 3 pants. Once I found out, I told Roger. He went into denial, started blaming it on someone else. Needless to say, he disappeared. He avoided me whenever he was in the area. Avoided my calls. I found out later, he was actually living with another girl that was the mother of his 3 kids. I was naive, this stuff doesn’t happen in life. The fathers are always involved with the baby. How wrong I was. I was left behind to deal with the pregnancy and child on my own. How unfair. My life did change, I became a mom to a beautiful baby boy. I never did look back, I didn’t persue Roger, I figure if he wasn’t man enough to care about me and his son, he wasn’t good enough to be my sons Daddy.

After my son was born. I didn’t feel alone, believe it or not, Sonny was there for me. We weren’t dating again, he just wanted to give me the support he thought I needed. He was so nice and kind. We hung out and we were good friends. That is how I will remember him the most, the kindness he shown me when I needed it the most.

I had no direction, no goals in life, I was lost. I spent alot of my free time hanging out with some friends at a neighborhood gas station, of all places. The guys there were pretty cool. We would joke around and they would coo over my son when I had him with me. If memory serves me right, there was Bill, Mike, Dan, Gene,Charles, and Dennis. They all seemed like big brothers to me. And then the one day I needed gas. I pulled in to the full service pump. Out comes this new guy. Oh my goodness. I watched him walk in front of my car, come up the side and ask "what'll be?" I was thinking to myself, "Where did this hunk of a man come from?" He was quite muscular, a little on the short side, but man was he good looking. I told him $5. This really became my favorite hang out place. I just had to see this guy again. I visited the station more often. I was introduced to Ron. He appeared to be a really nice guy. We talked alot, even the guys would joke around about us hooking up. As our relationship became closer, I found out that he was seeing someone else. I figured so, I wasn't really dating him, I was just hanging around, trying to get to know him better. The more I learned about the other girl, the more challenging it became. I really liked Ron and I did what I could to win him over. He worked 3rd shift, so ever once in awhile, I would bring him a hot meal. I even made him a cherry pie once. The other guys were jealous. It felt good. I would call him on the phone, before he went to work. Sometimes I would stop over his house, he lived with his sister at the time and chat with him while he got ready for work. Our relationship became stronger, and I won him over. He was no longer seeing the other woman. We dated for quite some time. When his sister decided to sell her house and move, Ron had to find another place to live. So he moved in next door at a friends house. Our alone time was altered and less frequent.

 Good morning hugs, goodnight kisses.

Holding hands during the setting of the sun.

Soft whispers of I love you, as the breeze flows thru the trees.

If you had a bad day...Come and I will hold you. I will gently caress and kiss you, and let you know how much I care.

Lying with you, while wrapped in your arms. lets forget about the events of the day, and enjoy our moment together.

After a night of passionate love making, and I look in your eyes, I see the look I long for, cause it takes my breath away.

No time to cook dinner, no time to clean house. I have a date with my baby and we’re going to the moon.

Snap out of my dream world and face reality. You and I are just who we are...a fantastic fantasy.