But in 1975 I started nursing school. There was a hospital RN program at Philadelphia general. I loved it! I knew this was my calling!

But my addiction got even worse during nursing school. When I was in the dormitory I lived on the girls’ floor even though I was married. She was a president of the class, but we would run around and do drugs. Back in those days of boy never went on to the girls’ floor.

But I loved nursing school. I was progressing even though I didn’t show up much for class.

But six weeks before a supposed to graduate my life changed immensely. I was in position to have a job, make some good money, a career, but I got kicked out, kicked out for simply not showing up to class.

I was already living on the edge but now my life when into the issue can almost overnight. One day I had a career and was going to make some big money. The next day, I had nothing.

I was totally blind-sided. My grades were good, but they didn’t like me. They were hearing stories about me. So they made up a new rule which was: if you didn’t show up for clinical twice, you were kicked out.

So I got involved in even more drugs and criminal activity. Within a year and a half my wife and I were divorced, and I was on the methadone program. My life was terrible, the worst. I had people looking for me who wanted to kill me. Things got out of hand.

It’s simple: we were robbing and stealing. We’re robbing homes, robbing people, forging prescriptions, ratting people out. We did whatever it took to get the next fix. We did that for about a year or so. I wasn’t hooked on heroin, but I was on methadone, but I was still doing speed and drinking.

I did some big burglaries, and the guy found out who did them. It was a no-brainer for him to find out who did them. So this guy said that he was going to kill me, and I believed him.

So I left Philadelphia and when I left I knew I’d never be back again. I sat on that plane had knew I’d never live in Philadelphia again.


I Flee Philly and Land in Boulder

I went to Colorado where I knew a guy there lived in Boulder. He was a criminal himself and when I got there things got even worse. I was living in the parks and streets, and we were doing serious crime, violent crime. I never heard anybody, but I could’ve. I could have actually killed somebody.

I started getting really scared. I had never been busted before, never arrested. Never, ever. I figured my luck would run out sometime and we would get busted.

I lived out there for a year-and-a-half. The drug forgeries were getting worse because I had some medical knowledge now. I knew how to maneuver. It was 1978 and things were getting really scary.

I didn’t talk to my mom; no one wanted to talk with me anymore. I realized that I needed help, so I went to a drug program in Colorado. This was a really serious in-patient drug program for veterans. I stayed for two and a half months, went back to Boulder, and started doing the same shit again. Within a week I got so scared. In the meantime I had broken my leg on a motorcycle. So now I’m really scared; I’m hobbling around with no place to live. I stayed with a nurse’s aide who helped me in hospital.


“Hey mister, are you a bum?”

Now I’ve got no mobility, a drug habit and I’m thinking: “I’ve got no way to run.”

At this point I decided: “this is it. I have to change my life.”

This was a monumental epiphany. I had to change; I couldn’t survive. So it that moment I knew I had to change my life.

At that point I had nothing, zero. I had a duffel bag from the army and whatever close I could carry. I had not one penny in my pocket. I hitchhiked to San Fernando Valley where I had an aunt. It took me three days. I was Jonesin’ for drugs, sick, a mess. My cast was off, but I had a splint and one crutch. I was a f____ing mess.

When I got to Los Angeles I said to myself: “I’ve got to get some sleep.” So I went to Venice beach and thought I would sleep on the sand.

At ten or 11:00 in the morning a little girl was shaking me and she said: “hey mister! Are you a bum?”

That was another epiphany.

So I called my aunt who said: “I love you, but you can’t come here.”


In California, I Begin to Turn My Life Around

So I had one last chance. A friend I knew header ranch in Coloma California. He and I had grown up together in Philadelphia. This was the guy whose parents owned the house on the jersey shore.

Now, he had a 200 acre ranch in Coloma. It took me two days to hitchhike up to Coloma and show up on their doorstep.

I started to work as a bartender, and I was able to socialize and pay my own bills. I stopped doing criminal activity and stopped using needles, and shooting heroin. I was always broke and I still did a lot of party drugs, but at least I stopped shooting heroin and stealing.

As I hitchhiked from Los Angeles to Coloma I came through Santa Cruz and I liked it. I thought I would come back here to live. I used to come down to Santa Cruz on the weekends.

So I moved down here. By now I had a car some possessions, and I went to work at the Shadowbrook. I was moving my way up in the world, but I maintained my addiction in a more social way. Everybody was doing coke. I could hide in the crowd and I did that for years.

My Ultimate Tragedy and Triumph

The ultimate triumph was my son being born. Hands down! That was the most glorious day of my life. The second most glorious day of my life was graduating nursing school. This was a 25 year dream that finally was realized.

The biggest tragedy? Not knowing my father.


Family Ties

My wife and I didn’t think about starting a family right away. We were too busy working and partying and traveling. Betsy was a travel agent so we would go to Mexico and Hawaii and the Caribbean.

I started college in 1987 or 1988 and graduated from nursing school in 1993.

I had left the Shadowbrook several times but I always came back. I worked for Margaritaville. My wife had worked for shuttle brook and also Margarita though. She was the controller at Margarita hill for about fifteen years.

I went to Cabrillo College for my undergraduate work and then went to Monterey Peninsula College for nursing school. At one time my wife and I had a bar supply business. It did well but I didn’t like it. As far as owning a restaurant, we talk about that to this day.

In the restaurants apply business we made a good living but I didn’t like it; I didn’t like sales at all. I was always the type of person who had to like what he was doing. If I didn’t like it I would go follow my calling. Eventually I got to nursing.

During this time I would use legal prescriptions; ones that were legitimately prescribed for me. My wife was never a user. She would drink and snort a little coke socially or smoked pot.


I Turn Myself in for Stealing Drugs at Work

My wife always had faith in me. But when I became a nurse I started stealing drugs from work. I realize that I was going to get either busted, fired, or lose my license. So I turned myself in and went to a state drug program. I came out sober, but I’ve had some relapses over the past thirteen years. Today I maintain my sobriety by going to twelve step meetings, therapy, and whatever you have to do to stay sober. It’s a life – long thing.


I Have the Relationship with my Son that My Father and I Never Had

We had Wesley twelve years ago. We’re really close, really tight family. I’m able to provide relationship to my son that I was never able to have with my father. By now, I’m introspective. I’ m into sobriety, I’m into therapy, I’m able to look at my life from day one all the way into my forties and fifties. I have a good feeling and a good understanding of who I am and where I want to go. I also know what I don’t want.

I knew exactly what kind of father I want to be. Being a father is a great feeling. With my son I focus and concentrate on how he feels about himself in the world. There are some struggles in school but we don’t focus on them. We work with them. All our focus, all are teaching is how he sees himself in the world and how we act in the world.