At our fortieth wedding anniversary, our daughters gave us a plaque “what we learned from our parents”. Some of it is hilarious, some of it is satire, and some of it is true.
• Buy the cheapest item available when making small purchases like groceries and clothes but buy great quality when making large purchases like cars, homes, and electronics.
• Eating out is considered a special occasion, not a routine.
• If you say you are going to do something, do it.
• It doesn’t matter how crooked the Christmas tree is, you can always add a book, or five to make it straight.
• It doesn’t matter how straight the Christmas tree is
• Don’t eat any wooden bananas
• If the sun is still up, the TV should not be on
• Whole pies can be eaten as meals
• Don’t play any background music at dinner
• Always leave for your destination at least two hours in advance.
• Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny will be around forever
• The other room is really the bathroom
• Don’t pay someone to do something if you can really do it yourself
• Eat the main course before the salad
• One serving of ice cream = 4 cups
• A family should always eat dinner together
• Cookie dough doesn’t have to turn into cookies.
• Pie dough makes a wonderful afternoon snack
• Always use a coaster on wooden tables
• If you do something once on a holiday, it automatically becomes a tradition that you must continue doing.
• Klondike bars are an essential food
• An incident need not have any entertainment value to become a family story.
• When driving on a road trip, do not stop unless you need to get gas or go to the bathroom. Above all, do not stop to look at the scenery.
• Christmas stockings are not supposed to look anything like Christmas.
• Don’t pay for anything with a credit card unless you plan to pay for it by the end of the month.
• If you get lost in the woods, don’t try and find help, you will eventually find your way out.
• Stuffed animals aren’t always for little kids
• You mustn’t tease the doggy
• Warmth is required for every Christmas tree expedition (meaning candy canes)
• Don’t stare at disabled people.
• Feel free to peer into..
• If you have a slight sign of the sniffles, take Allegra immediately.
• If you feel the slightest bit sick, take your temperature.
• If you feel the slightest bit sick, or any part of your body hurts, go to a doctor immediately.
• All doctors are quacks.
• On Christmas morning, anything anyone wears must be a new Christmas gift.
• Family is the most important part of life.
• If you like it, eat it at noon and call it lunch.
• Buy Japanese cars.
• Preventative money on cars, homes, etc will save money in the long run.
• Everyone needs a stud-finder.
• The shower rod can also be used as a closet.
• You are never too old to have your mommy read you Christmas stories.
• Saturday morning cartoons are a waste of time.
• Reading is one of life’s greatest pleasures, especially weekend mornings in bed.
• Love really can last a lifetime.

When they mentioned that thing about getting lost in the woods, they were referring to our last backpacking experiences in the woods.

I always hung behind because I didn’t like to eat the dust. Everyone was a couple of yards ahead around a couple of corners. I came across a nice little spring that the forest service had made for nice cool water for backpackers. I filled my canteen with water and started following the trail. It turned out to be an animal path. I got to a point where I realized that I couldn’t get back up.

I decided to walk my way out, and I kept yelling “where is the trail?” There was no answer. I was literally sliding down on my back for fifty or sixty feet. Sometimes I would fall. Five or six hours later I found my way out, I came to a road, started hiking up the road, hitchhiked, got picked up and went back to where I was supposed to be. I was probably three thousand feet below and five miles from where I was supposed to be. The group had called search and rescue.